| things we found somewhere in serangoon |
[07 Jul 2008|11:17am] |
We decided to take a bus to Sengkang that day and left almost immediately after arriving because it was really a wasteland devoid of anything but flats. Ended up trying to walk from Serangoon to Farrer Park and ended up in BISHAN?! This is how public transport fucks with your head, really. Do the trains not go in a straight line?!
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| not quite |
[06 Jul 2008|07:29pm] |
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mood |
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 hungry |
] |
revving up in rapid-fire mode means
that, sometimes,
there is simply not a moment to take a step back
and breathe.
no, there is no desire to over-think situations,
but it sure is nice to get some rest in
in between.
don't get me wrong.
i am intoxicated
by this exhilaration,
this rush.
but, what this also means,
is the lack of room for error
and for a major glitch in my planned schedule.
but i can't seem to stop,
can't seem to pry the self away
from this endless cacophony of
activities.
because i want it that way.
after all,
what is the alternative?
the positives are negated by the negatives
and i don't want that.
i don't.
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| forever she may be |
[06 Jul 2008|01:17am] |
I kiss her message tenderly
I kiss the screen of my phone
like a psycho
hot tears of fatigue streaming
my web of mind taut
stretching to confine the mystery
to believe she is loved, tenderly
I recall the burning of love cards
of cute baby picture poems in flames
because that's nonsense to her
a money spinning scam. cheap emotions.
I love her but its not the usual
not a petty date, a wandering of couples
in cold shopping cultures.
instead we roam histories
psyches
psychological terrain.
we move through pyramids and wilderness
watching Christ in the jungles
wondering about buddha, killing him.
I love her deeply but there's violence
not a weak sunlit expression
but red fire, cosmic, evolutionary.
Romance died with the fire of the cards
sweet nothings are all nothing
for her i will die but i must prove it
for the cross of her love is real
the sacrifice as true as martyrs.
If the heart lies i will be killed
If my mouth lies i will be voiceless
gazing unto her face like unto a god
erasing memory and faith in her light
for memory and faith only gets me so far
and far isn't near where she is.
I love her greatly
but I must be greater than myself to see it through.
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| my true self |
[05 Jul 2008|11:42pm] |
...and where there was nature and earth, life and water, I saw a desert landscape that was unending, resembling some sort of crater, so devoid of reason and light and spirit that the mind could not grasp it on any sort of conscious level and if you came close the mind would reel backward, unable to take it in. It was a vision so clear and real and vital to me that in its purity it was almost abstract. This was what I could understand, this was how I lived my life, what I constructed my movement around, how I dealt with the tangible. This was the geography around which my reality revolved: it did not occur to me, EVER, that people were good or that a man was capable of change or that the world could be a better place through one's taking pleasure in a feeling or a look or a gesture, of receiving another person's love or kindness. Nothing was affirmative, the term 'generosity of spirit' applied to nothing, was a cliche, was some kind of bad joke. Sex is mathematics. Individuality no longer an issue. What does intelligence signify? Define reason. Desire - meaningless. Intellect is not a cure. Justice is dead. Fear, recrimination, innocence, sympathy, guilt, waste, failure, grief, were things, emotions, that no one really felt anymore. Reflection is useless, the world is senseless. Evil is its only permanence. God is not alive. Love cannot be trusted. Surface, surface, surface was all that anyone found meaning in...this was civilization as I saw it, colossal and jagged...
- American Psycho
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| Pictobrowser |
[05 Jul 2008|03:44pm] |
I'm really happy I discovered Pictobrowser. It's going to make the massive update to my site a lot easier than I expected.
And just a few minutes after I posted the above, I realized it has one fatal flaw: colour management issues. I'll probably still go with it though since it's going to make my work ridiculously easy (compared to having to learn PHP/Flash or very arduously create thumbnails, images and HTML files for every single photo like I've done for the current incarnation of the photo section).
( Here is a Pictobrowser test )
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| srs bsns |
[05 Jul 2008|02:06pm] |
from Ezzam's performance yesterday
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| feet |
[05 Jul 2008|02:05pm] |
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| cat in the mist |
[04 Jul 2008|01:50pm] |
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| pasta de waraku |
[04 Jul 2008|01:37pm] |
Our dinner the other night at the Pasta de Waraku at Central. Chicken Mushroom something something with tomato wafu sauce, HAMBURG STEAK with Demi Glace sauce and Scallop and Spicy Cod Roe Gratin with something something mentai mayo for me!
The servings were tiny by Eugene/Bruce standards but mine was just a tad more than I could finish. The scallops were fresh and juicy and yummylicious and the strange mayo wafu whatever sauce was rich and heavy and yummy and I think I'm hungry again.
Kind of overpriced though.
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| HK Tea House |
[04 Jul 2008|01:25pm] |
I forget the actual name of this place but it was beside the Daiso in the Jurong IMM and it's always crowded like fuck so being the sheeple that we are, we had to check it out. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait very long but we got a shit table which was like shared with six other people.
Bruce had the Special HK Seafood Noodles. They were pretty well made but not really exceptional, I thought (but I wasn't eating it anyway), however the seafood looked huge and delicious. Not the hard dried up crap you get in normal HK noodles.
I had the Teriyaki Beef with Onions and Mushroom (and Rice) which was exactly what it purported to be, except that the beef was absolutely delicious. Soft and melty, like liver. The teriyaki sauce was also quite good and the whole thing had a burnt flavour which reminded me a lot of claypot rice. They served it with a bowl of MY VERY FIRST lotus root soup! Very pleasant, very interesting flavour! Kind of like Apple Baked Ham for some reason. I will definitely try to check out more Chinese soups in the future.
We finished up with two cups of HK Milk Tea which was like Teh Tarik but much, much better and the whole thing cost only 16 dollars again. Not bad. Not as good as the Novena Peranakan House stuff, to be sure, but definitely one of the better places to eat in the wasteland that is Jurong East.
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| my true self |
[03 Jul 2008|01:13am] |
"I am offended, yes, but why did you rise to the bait?"
"I can't help it! I like to fight!"
"You must be the angry Japanese hornet."
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| River |
[02 Jul 2008|11:52pm] |
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music |
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Popol Vuh - 'Das Lied Von Den Hohen Bergen' |
] |
Sometimes I can't believe the things I've seen in my life. There has been so much beauty - and there continues to be every additional day I'm alive. When I look at the pictures of my travels and the work I've shot last year - I really feel it so intensely. And it's amazing how beauty is so simple and yet completely undefinable. I really believe in the power of simplicity - and in working with what's available. I've learned so much on this path.
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| We can only get colder |
[02 Jul 2008|11:37pm] |
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music |
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Imaad Wasif - 'Seventh Sign' |
] |
I have been listening to Imaad Wasif's 'Seventh Sign' so much in the last few days. It's an incredibly powerful song musically and lyrically and exactly how I feel right now... Pity all the other tracks on the album 'Strange Hexes' lack such an intensity (to me at least).
Art always reaffirms my faith in life, my will to live. I don't want to live in a world without beauty.
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| The Pessimist. |
[02 Jul 2008|07:44pm] |
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Stomach hurts. My head is numb and my nose runs. I need a drink to calm my nerves although they aren't really going all the way out right now. Tension builds day by day. My bank account is being milked dry. Thanks dad. You're a fat load of help. I don't feel much use for many things these days. In fact, I'm selling off alot of my stuff. Material desire is a fleeting thing. Spiritual desire I have none. My spirit seems to have abandoned me in search of better hosts.
I'm down to my last stick. I have to go out to buy another pack of cigarettes. Nicotine sustenance is driving me to an early grave. With nothing to my name, there really isn't any reason to live forever. Every day seems to take forever to end, crawling so painfully as the seconds tick by. Pins and needles.
I'll be busy tomorrow. Productive. Over-productive. Stress-induced movements. Freaking out. Shut down. Shut down. I don't want to think about it now. I just want my cigarettes. I have to go down to the shops. Stares from strangers. Exposed. People see and judge. I don't care yet I feel bothered. Privacy lost to an invading force of eyes. They stare and stare.
I want to get out. I need to get out. Things are holding me back. Many things. I have no more flesh and blood to give because I need to get things done. I don't want to talk. I don't want to speak. My security is missing. My sense of being is diminished. I talk out of my ass half the time these days because I just don't know what to say anymore...because there is nothing to say anymore. I can feel the tiresome blood dragging within my veins. They want me to sleep my life away.
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| JOB |
[02 Jul 2008|01:36pm] |
im helping someone advertise for a job position thats available if anybody wants.
looking for a publications executive. basically you handle events, manage the company website and newsletter. must be good in english and preferably a graduate from a media related course. not a must though. oh and good if you live in the east... cos the office is in the east. verrrrry nice location, trust me.
email me at hellomonkman@gmail.com if youre interested, then i will tell you more info. cant say company name yet cos its p&c, so says the person who told me.
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| elegy for one trick pony |
[02 Jul 2008|12:10pm] |
Choice Quote : "Shaz can't get her head round the fact that I still love her but don't want to be with her."
But why? I still love, I still love the fact that you have an overinflated view of yourself, especially with respect to me, yet at the same time hold a pathetically shallow understanding of things. Oh my, it amuses me greatly. What year are you living in, sir? Would you like to hold the candlestick when I go to bed with the Sun King?
You think you're so smart when your logic is almost laughably flawed. You're nothing but a manipulative snake wasting everyone's time. And your latest song is shit.
Oh yes, I'm insulting you because REALLY, INSIDE, IN MY TRUE SELF, I love you LOL. Fuck off.
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| a series of events |
[02 Jul 2008|05:03am] |
Having a mouse, I've realized, means I can scroll rapidly through any webpage. This is a fantastic rediscovery!
And! I bought a book today (happiness) and resolved a big problem.
But it's no fun crying over sad Chinese love songs. That really breaks my heart.
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| the spewn book of adgama |
[30 Jun 2008|11:47pm] |
just one blackening moon
twisting the energies
coughing overcast the toiling clouds
bleak, black and heavy
seeding the angels with an unexplained fatigue
infecting the A.I with the 'anger of gadama'
inspiring myopia and madness in the lives of monsters.
just one blackening moon
the mirror of our hatred
our weaknesses, our blandness
shining on our wounded spots
our bleeding hearts, our tarnished souls.
sick is the drug of madaga
like rocks in the gut
that rough-cut sadness
weighing down the act of breathing
stealing safety from invasion heart
upturning events, eyes, diminished values.
wrong is the road on this night
the magada wild, upsetting
the red hand of god blackening our lives
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| incantation |
[30 Jun 2008|05:31pm] |
I'm going to do what I want. All of the time.
Deal with it or don't, I'm always alone.
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